The Jewish Bride

I love art. I have visited some amazing art museums and still have a few to check out. I have a few favorite artists that I deeply admire. One of the artists that I admire most is Rembrandt. He has a painting called the Jewish Bride. It pictures a married couple holding each other and in the painting, the woman has one hand on her husband and one hand on her womb. I assume she has one hand on her womb to indicate future children. I like the fact that the newlyweds are an older couple. It does away with the idea that a bride has to be young and pure and full of life.  In the painting the bride has a golden chain around her neck to represent a Lazo, a giving away of freedom. I think to myself, “How does this simple work of art describe marriage so well?”

When a person gets married, or at least when I got married, I understood that children would come someday and that I was joining my life with someone and that I would be losing freedom. I don't mean actual freedom. I'm not in any sense of word a prisoner, but I do know that my husband holds the key to my heart and my future, and I would like to think I hold the key to his.

You become responsible for each other in a very intimate and selfless way. You willingly lose the freedom to be selfish. The most special thing about this understanding is that you do it without any questions. I don't ask my husband for permission to leave my home but I do let him know where I am. I don't ask him if I can or can't spend my earned money, but if I'm going to purchase a large ticket item I give him a heads up. It's the idea that I was taught as a young child that you should treat people the way you would want to be treated. This golden rule is especially helpful in marriage. Does that make me like the Jewish Bride in Rembrandt's painting? I don't know. I'm not a perfect bride or spouse. I don't know if the perfect bride or spouse exists. But it is amazing to gaze upon this painting and admire this loving couple.

Cheers,

Mimi


 

Silence is Golden

I went to lunch with my husband last weekend without our kid and we sat in silence. We didn't say one word to each other for the entire hour that we ate. Well, maybe a few but not and entire conversation. We usually have our four year old with us and she dominates the conversation and our attention. This time left to ourselves we had nothing to say. When I was younger I used to see older couples sitting at restaurants or cafes in complete silence and would think to myself how sad they have nothing left to say. I would vow to never be that way and to always have something to discuss.

I know better now. There is nothing more intimate than finding someone that you can sit with in silence in complete silence with total comfort. I don't feel the pressure to keep the conversation going. I don't have to be funny or show off extensive vocabulary. I can just be myself in silence and visa versa. We share and say so much each day that sometimes the silence can be amazing. Sometimes the silence is necessary and welcomed. I love that I can sit with him in that way and feel just as satisfied as if we had discussed our future and our child and our life together.

At the table next to us, there was a man talking to his co-worker about his latest tuxedo fitting for his upcoming wedding. My husband and I both looked up from our meals at the exact same moment and peeled our eyes at each other. My husband said "don't do it" and I said, "Sucker!" then we smiled at each other and kept eating. That was the extent of our conversation. I never knew how nice it could be to have nothing to say to your spouse and have it be ok. The same goes for friendships or when you are dating someone. The point is to be together with someone to be connected in a way other than talking every minute and every second you are together. So, shut up enjoy the silence and get really close to the one you love.
 

Cheers,

Mimi

Do We Really Want Good Guys?

Why is it that women rarely fall for the "good guy?”  I dated a nice guy at the end of senior year til about mid-way through sophomore year of college. The only problem was that he was a bit controlling and being that he was older than me, and I had no experience, I thought it was normal. After realizing that this was not normal, we broke up. After him I dated a complete douche bag...and believe it or not it lasted 4 years. Crazy huh! 

I realize that everyone has their flaws, but what is it about nice guys...why do they finish last? It can be said about women too. It seems as though the good girls are single because men want bad girls. I don't mean good/bad as in sexuality; I mean it as in argumentative, jealous, etc. Yes, I know you're thinking....who wants to be with someone like that, but trust me...many people are attracted to the drama.

I recently got connected with an old high school friend who lives in another state....no not the one from my older post, but funny thing is all 3 of us are friends. Anyway, we Skyped one night and he was telling me how crazy in love he was with me in high school and how I never gave him the time of day. During sophomore year, he moved out of town with his mom, but would come back every summer to visit his dad. On my 16th b-day (which was in the summer) he was in town and gave me a box to open for my gift....it was 14ct gold cross necklace. When we were reminiscing about the gift, he told me that to this day he has never bought any other woman jewelry besides his ex-wife. I felt really special. To think that he liked me so much that he spent that much money on me..... and at 16 you have to work hard for it.

We continue to speak almost every day and he continues to tell me he misses me and that he wants to see me. We were very close in high school...well as close as a guy and girl can be as friends lol. I could talk to him about anything and he would give me his honest opinion. When I would complain about my relationship and how my ex was treating me, he always reminded me of how beautiful I was and how I deserve someone who will treat me like a queen. He never would try and use my weak moments for times to come on to me, which is what I most admire about him.

Some of you may be wondering what was wrong with my friend and why we didn't date if he is such a nice guy...and honestly I don't have an answer. I guess it's because I never saw him as my type...which is weird because I don't really know what my type is.

I still can't see us together, but he is definitely the sweetest guy and the only person I know that would drop anything for his girl! 

Big City, Small World

Some people think that Chicago is this bustling metropolis full of millions of people you will only see once. Well I disagree. Chicago is a lot like a small town. You get to know your neighbors and build relationships in your community and you quickly realize that people you would never think would know eachother do. And if you date someone in Chicago you will run into them again even if you don’t run in the same social circles or live in the same area of the city. Because just like a small town, everyone knows everyone in Chicago.

I was having breakfast at a diner near my home one Sunday morning with my husband. I walk in to the diner and who do I see sitting on the counter, none other than my ex-boyfriend. He was sitting there with his cup of coffee and three opened text books. I thought to myself “holy crap.”  He didn't see me when I walked in because he had his back turned to the front door. When my husband and I were seated I could still see him but he couldn't see me. I told my hubby that my ex was at the counter and he asked if I was going to say hello. Now, my husband is good friends with all of his ex's, but I will write about that later. So to him it's perfectly natural to go and say hello. I, on the other hand, dated guys and fell hard for them, and then would have painful break ups….I never wanted to see them again. But living in a small town like Chicago it happens all the time. I've even ran into my sister's ex-boyfriend.

I sat there at my table trying to enjoy my breakfast but I couldn't. I had this huge flood of memories come over me. I remembered our first date our first kiss. I remembered staying out too late together going to visit him at work. I remembered the time he went to Ireland while we were together and wrote me a letter for each day he was gone. I remembered how we would go all over the city and how he would never let go of my hand. I also remembered the heart break when things didn't work out. I remember thinking to myself he's going to call again I know he will. But he never did and neither did I.  So, I sat there and told myself that I needed to be an adult and go over and say hello. No big deal right? Well it was….what’s worse than running into your ex? Let's see, how about running into your ex with your husband. Why you ask? Because now I have to introduce them, so that's exactly what I did.

We finished our breakfast, headed to the door, and then I walked over to the counter and I tapped my ex-boyfriend on the shoulder. He turned and quickly realized it was me. He gave me a hug and told me that I looked good. Then I turned to my husband, looked and my ex and said "Eric I want you to meet my husband, Eric." Yes, that's right they have the same name. So awkward! I just stood there and thought to myself, “oh lord I'm standing in between two men that have seen me completely naked!” I wanted to run out of the restaurant but I kept telling myself to be polite and to be an adult. I asked about his life, he asked about mine, and it was actually a very pleasant experience. Turns out he owns a home near mine, and I drive past his house every day after I drop my kid off at school. Oh the joys of living in a small town!

Cheers,

Mimi

The Feelings Aren't Mutual

It's always hard when someone likes you more than you like them. For some, it's easy to be up front and just say "sorry but the feelings aren't mutual." For me, however, I don't like hurting people's feelings so I continue to go out with people even though I want nothing more than friendship. Only when they try and make a move do I let them know.

For those of you who know about Spoonie, this blog is about him. I had been out on a couple dates with him prior to the one this past weekend and had a good time. He is such a gentleman and is good company, but there are things about him that make me not want anything more than friendship. But this isn't going to be a blog about the list of likes and dislikes. I'm goin to talk about our last date.

We had planned to go out last Saturday for about a week. Usually we just go out for dinner and drinks, but this time, he called me a couple hours before we were to meet and said he had tickets for the Bulls game that night. I was so excited. I love going to Bulls games....actually any Chicago sports game live is a great time. I met him at his place since he lives down the street from the United Center, and then we walked to the game. We had a blast cheering on our team and the bonus was that the seats were really good!

Now at this point, I knew he was kind of interested in me.....obviously since he kept asking me out......but I thought since he never made it super apparent or tried to kiss me, that he just liked hanging out with me because we both always had fun together. I've come to the conclusion that he is very shy because at the game he awkwardly put his hand on my knee a couple times. It wasn't weird that he did it, but how he did it was almost like he had been thinking of how he was gonna do it for a while. After the game, we were going to walk back, after all like I said, he lived right down the street. Instead, he got a bike taxi to take us. It was kinda cool as I've never taken a bike taxi anywhere before, but it was almost too romantic for the situation. There was a heated blanket that covered us and colored lights hanging aroung the covered part of the wagon. Oh and let's not forget the speakers that were playing slow songs by Frank Sinatra. And again was rubbing my leg. The bike taxi was a nice gesture for sure....but I wasn't feeling it with him.

After we got back to his place, I kept saying I was tired to hint at him that I wasn't staying long. I didn't want to be rude and leave right after the game so we sat on the couch and watched TV. He was laying down with his feet on me and then eventually started falling asleep. When I noticed that, I woke him up and said I'm gonna go...you seem tired and I am too. I don't think he was too happy about me wanting to leave so early...it was only barely 11:00 p.m.....but oh well... We'll see if he asks to go out again!!

Can Men and Women Really Just Be Friends?

I know many people, both male and female, that are friends with both sexes. Many of them have known their friends from the opposite sex for many years, such as since high school or college, and can actually say they are strictly friends and have never had a romantic relationship with them. I for one have not had a male friend since junior high school and even then, my male friends were always trying to smack my butt so it was a little awkward at times.

I no longer talk to those young men, and have not since then been able to have a male friend whose intentions are not to be more than friends. I must admit I am jealous of the women & men I know that have the opposite sex friends because I want one of my own. I have went out with men and had great conversations and thought that they understood that I was not looking for anything other than a friend, but somehow some way, they always seem to go too far and not get the point and then fall off the face of the earth when I let them know that I'm not interested in anything more than friends.  

I do not understand what it is about me and why I cannot have a male friend who just cares about me as a person and does not look at me in a sexual way. I have been told "well you're a pretty woman so what do you expect?" Ummmmm, well I expect a man to understand that just because I may be attractive to them there's more to me that my looks. How about the loyal friend that I am, that I am smart and can carry an intellectual conversation with you about anything from fashion to politics. What about the fact that I'm goofy and love to crack jokes and laugh and have a good time. I'm a very free spirited person and just like to enjoy life. Why can't they see those things?

I have asked men before do they think we can just be friends, only to get a response of "No I don't need any more friends, I have enough friends already."  And then not hearing from them again when they finally realize that I'm not giving up the goods and really just trying to be friends. I guess they weren't “friend material’ anyway if they pulled the disappearing act. I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining like “poor me I can't find a male friend.”  I know it’s not the worst thing that can happen to me, but it is something that seriously bothers me at time. I want to hear a male's perspective of my relationships or my life and a male who will give me genuine advice that's not going to be to his advantage.

So here's the question....Can women and men really just be friends? I say in certain situations yes, as I've seen it with my own eyes, but have yet to experienced it myself. Is it only certain women and men who can have a friend of the opposite sex? Some more questions I ask myself are: Will I ever have a male friend who's not trying to sleep with me or should I just give up and realize that my only male best friend might end up being my future husband?

Maybe I'm worrying about nothing, but then again I think it's healthy to have both male and female friends to even out the emotions and rational thinking. I will refuse to give up because I want to believe that there are some good men with good intentions out there and I will remain determined to find a male bestie even if he ends up being a male that I will have to fight over men with! J

Smooches,

Bella

Captain America!

I have a theory that every cute white boy is named Dave. I have never met a Dave that was unattractive. It's like a trait that comes with the name. In college, I was obsessed with a guy named Dave. He was super cute and super nice. He had this smile that would light up a room and leave me speechless. If you want to get an idea of what he looked like, think of the actor that played Captain America….just let that image sit in for a while! J  Just like Captain America, he was my hero. The only issue with this wonderful guy I loved was that his best friend was in love with me. Aside from the fact that his best friend was ruining my chances, this dream guy didn't even know that I existed.  I liked him so much that I would get nervous and not be able to properly form a sentence around him…. so he probably thought I was an idiot.

So, what's a girl to do? I wanted my feelings to be spared, but wanted my Captain America. I also had the issue of the best friend which did not make this any easier. Let's talk about the best friend shall we? He was and still is a very sweet and endearing person. He was also the biggest “cock-blocker” you could meet. At the time I thought that this best friend could get me closer to Dave. In retrospect he was actually keeping me close to him and creating a wedge between me and my love. I guess the best friend also wanted his feelings spared and me by his side. I found myself stuck in this weird love triangle. However, my love triangle was messed up because everyone loved the wrong person.  I loved Captain America, his best friend loved me and still to this day, I think Captain America didn't know I even existed. I did everything I could think of to be alone with my hero. I tried following him (ok, a bit stalker-ish) at parties to catch him alone. I tried to find reasons to call him directly. I think I even did call him once, but because I was so in love with him, I was nervous to speak.

Now, the best thing about Dave is that he was not only a good looking guy, but he was also an amazing person on the inside. He was a good catholic boy that donated his time and money to help the poor. I think he even regularly volunteered at food banks. Can you imagine this hot and caring person serving the poor in their time of need? It melts your heart, right?

I remember once he had a get together at his house. I don’t remember if I asked for a tour of his home or if he offered but I found myself alone in his bedroom with him. I kept praying to the powers that be that he would lock his bedroom door, grab me and finally make my fantasies come true! But nothing happened. I was too shy and he was too uninterested.

I guess you are wondering how this love triangle came undone. Well, I finally resigned myself to the fact that my hero would never love me. I also became best friends with the endearing “cock-blocker.” He is still one of my closest friends. He knows things about me that I don't even admit to myself. My hubby jokingly calls him my boyfriend. He's built himself a nice life somewhere in a suburban paradise. I'm living in my urban paradise and I can only imagine that Captain America is out there saving lives and still breaking hearts!

Cheers,

Mimi

Are There Men in Chicago?

The weekend of NYE I met up with an old friend from high school who was in town visiting family. I was so in love with him in high school, but we were good friends so I never let him know how I felt. He moved to Florida  after graduation so I hadn't seen him in about 9-10 years. When I saw him this past weekend all my old feelings came back. He was still extremely sexy and his personality (which is what I loved most about him) was still the same....amazing!

He made it clear he was attracted to me and that he even had a thing for me in high school too (go figure right..neither of us said anything). We hung out the Saturday night before NYE as well as spent NYE together. We had so much fun reminiscing and talking about what we had been up to.  We have so much in common. We ended up spending the night together a couple times, and although some would think I broke my own first date rules, I would disagree. I have been friends with him since I was 14....and not just the kind that says hi and bye in the hall-way. We would hang out after school and occasionally flirt. So although we never had a real date....we were far from strangers.

The only real thing that is getting in the way of us possibly being together is the fact that I live in Chicago and he lives in FL.  I know he will never move back to Chicago...I mean who would want to leave beautiful weather year round?  I've always wanted to move somewhere warm because winters in Chicago are the worst...maybe this is my time! We did talk about me visiting him in FL in the future so hopefully that will work out...fingers crossed.

What bothers me the most though is the fact that I can't I find a man in Chicago? If you read my earlier post you would remember that I caught feelings for a friend I met 3 years ago....but he now lives in L.A.  Although that guy is not going to work out, I feel like this is a sign that I need to move to find my soul mate. I haven't seriously dated anyone since college and I haven't met anyone that I am really into that I can see myself with. I'm starting to think there are no Chicago men for me.

I guess only time will tell what the future holds for me. I do know that my friend from FL has the qualities I want in a man so if he is not the one for me.....I need to find someone like him.


XOXO

Chrissy

Ideas for an Amazing Valentine's Day!

Happy New Year everyone! Now let's talk about Valentine's Day. I went to the convenient store by house on the second and there they were, hearts and teddy bears. Everything was covered in red and pink colors. They had heart shaped balloons everywhere and I got to thinking about the last eleven Valentine's Days I've had with my hubby.

Before I met him I hated Valentine's Day. It's probably because I never really had a valentine. Then I met my other half and he swept me off my feet. He used to leave me single red roses on the wind-shield of my car with little love notes. He would actually find my car parked somewhere near the blue line and leave these little message for me. He would make reservations at amazing restaurants and would have the place cover our table in rose petals and lit votives. He sent me flowers to work or my home. He would buy me clothes and once he booked two first class tickets to Paris. I think the best gift he ever gave me or has given me since is himself. He has been a constant figure in my life and whenever I need someone he is always there. He has held my hand through the best and worst moments of my life. 

If you have a special someone,and not sure what to do for Valentine's Day, don’t worry. Below are my Valentine's Day ideas with you. I will use my eleven years of experience to help you plan a great evening.   



For a good time with little money to spend:

1)     Go to red box and cook something nice at home. Red box is a dollar a movie sold at Walmart, Walgreens, Jewel-Osco, and Dominick’s

2)     Stay Home. Stay in bed. Together.

3)     Go to a restaurant for your favorite dessert. It’s cheaper than the whole meal and you still get to go out.

4)     Champagne toast at your favorite bar.

5)     Chocolate covered strawberries are always nice and you can make them at home.

6)     Naughty bored game and your favorite red wine.

if you've got some extra cash:

1)     The 95th in the Hancock or also known as the Signature Room. Amazing views great food and the drinks are divine.

2)     Frontera grill is a great Mexican food place. Yes it can be expensive but again if you have the cash go for it.

3)     Two plane tickets to anywhere special

4)     Go to the theater. There is always a show in this city.

5)     Book a room at the Marriot on the magnificent Mile. Indoor pool with amazing view. If you ask they will have champagne and chocolate covered strawberries waiting for you.

6)     A horse and carriage ride downtown can also be very lovely.

7)     Head out to Wisconsin to a bed and breakfast away from city.

      Whether or not money is an object, when you’re in love, there is always a way to celebrate this day surrounded by the three things: good food, good drinks and great sex because, c'mon, hotel sex can be pretty great.

Cheers,

Mimi