Mansome

Earlier this week I watched a documentary called "Mansome." It's all about men and how they get pretty for the opposite sex. The men in this documentary wax their eyebrows, backs and chest. They do this because the want to look and feel better about themselves and in turn boost self esteem which I can only assume gives them the ability to muster up the nerve to talk to a beautiful women. There was a guy that had a long red beard that went down to his waist line. It was full, thick and shiny. It made me sick just looking at it but there was a woman in the film that couldn't keep her hands off of it.

Are looks really that important to men? Or is self-esteem the issue? Maybe men do these things because they enjoy it. Women are just as bad. We pay big bucks for manicures, pedicures and facials. Let's not forget all the waxing we do ourselves. I have a friend that spends over a hundred dollars every other month to get her hair styled in just the right way.
If you are single you are trying to attract the prettiest person in the room and if you are married you are trying to keep the prettiest person you've found. But what happened to beauty being in the eye of the beholder?
 
It's amazing to me how someone will pass up the opportunity to meet a wonderful person if they do not find them sexually attractive. I always tell my single friend that there is someone out there for everyone. If Honey Boo boo's mom has a someone special in her life then there is someone out there for everyone and we all have hope. In spanish it's called "buscando tu media naranja" looking for your other half, or the other half of your orange. Does it really matter in the end if you wax your back or chest or if you dye your hair the perfect color? Your other half is out there somewhere and they will love you just the way you are.

I think the important thing is to be yourself and to be happy with yourself. If manscapping is your thing more power to you. If you need to spend over a hundred dollars to get your hair just right then spend that money. Just make sure you spend just as much  time looking around for your other half as you do looking in the mirror.

Cheers,

Mimi

Maybe it's Me!

I am well aware that I attract a lot of weirdos. Not sure if it’s just my luck or if it’s in fact me, but either way I have had some crazy run-ins with some not so emotionally stable men.

Just to give you some examples I have had an ex come try and beat up a boyfriend I had at the time, and let the air out of my tires when I did not allow him to use my car. I've had an ex stalk me from thousands of miles away. He is constantly bombarding me with text messages that read "I love you," "I miss you," and phone calls that all have been rather annoying more than threatening. I have ignored them and then tried responding thinking maybe he will understand if I outright demand that he stops trying to contact me, but all to no avail. But I realize that when you're dealing with crazy people you have to keep in mind that they do not think the way normal people do, so you cannot assume that what is common sense to others will be common sense to them.

I have also had some rather questionable experiences with complete strangers. While driving home from work one day I looked over to my right only to have some strange man taking pictures of me with his camera. It wasn't just a small digital camera. This was a professional camera that clearly could take a shot of me picking my nose from miles away. Now I love to take pictures like any woman, but with my friends and family, not for some weirdo who didn't even ask me if it was okay to take my picture in the first place. So I did what anybody would do and held up my hand to block the shots and put the pedal to the metal once the light turned green. I laughed as I peeled off because that's what I do when I'm in an uncomfortable situation. The only way I could rationalize that situation was to convince myself that it was normal. If I'm going to be famous one day, I have to get used to people wanting to take my picture and the paparazzi following me. Oh the things we tell ourselves! But, how else could I have made sense out of that situation?   

I've had some drunken encounters with men proposing to me and offering me their genes…yes babies, which I guess was sweet, but I kindly declined by saying “no thanks, I'm good,” and excused myself from the awkward situation. The most recent would be the promoter who seems to be stalking me with a very special skill of what seems to be teleporting.

This promoter will be nowhere in sight and within a snap of a finger I will turn around and he's right behind or next to me. He always seems to find where I am out of a huge crowd and then tries to play it off. When I finally try to acknowledge his presence he then stares at me with this blank stare like he's processing his thoughts....for what seems like a bit longer than it should take him. There have been times where he texts me asking me my whereabouts. When only for me to reply, and then receive a tap on the shoulder within minutes and to my surprise, it’s him. My thoughts were if you were planning on swinging by where I was at, then maybe you should have at least told me you were on your way there, but nope he just shows up and says hi as if that's normal.

I have learned that there is a really fine line between crazy and emotionally unstable because the two seem to go hand in hand, and most, if not all my exes seem to be both. Now that I have dated these slightly deranged men and have had the chance to see what I do not want in a man, maybe it’s time to start dating men that possess the traits that I'm looking for....I just don't know where to find them so let the search continue!



Smooches,

Bella

Keeping the Peace

I think my daughter will work for the United Nations one day because she's the peace keeper in my home and every where she goes she makes friends. As I mentioned in my previous post she has forced me to become more social and to also meet new people. When my husband and I start to get smart with each other or if we start to raise our voices she charges into the room and says "what's going on in here ?!" Then she makes us say that we are sorry and reminds us that it's not nice to be mean. It works. Whenever my husband gives her a kiss she quickly tells him "now mommy's turn." When you are married to someone for a few years and you have to share every aspect of your life it can get tiresome at times and you may lose your temper. I'm lucky enough to have a kid that reminds to be nice whenever I'm about to lose it.

If you are not as lucky to have built in referee, follow these easy steps:

#1 Use your indoor voice.

There is no need to yell. I'm pretty sure the other person stops listening when you start to yell, and then you are just yelling alone and that is very frustrating.

#2 No hitting below the belt.

If you been with the same person for a while you know what makes them tick. You know what can set them off so try and fight fair and not bring up something that happened a year ago that you've probably put away in your mental angry drawer. Say what you have to say and when you say it, remember you know where the imaginary line has been drawn. Do NOT cross it.

#3 No name calling.

This one is self explanatory he or she has a name use it. Remember it's not nice to be mean and there is nothing nice about calling someone a cow.

#4 Walk don't run.

Is there anything worse then someone walking away from you when you are in the middle of a fight? I don't think so. Let the other person finish what they are saying. Do not leave the room. Do not run out of the room. If you want to be heard you also have to be willing to listen.

Remember, we all argue and disagree. The important thing is to be respectful while doing it. Happy arguing everyone!

Cheers,

Mimi

First Date Rules...

I often wonder who wrote the rules about what should and should not happen on a first date. I mean, who determines acceptable first date conduct? Shouldn't it be the person on the date? As simple as this seems, society will always pass judgments based on what each individual considers "acceptable first date behavior."

I don't follow any specific rules, but I do like to get advice from men about dating from time to time. After all, men should know men better than women know men...right? Well the reality of it is, as knowledgeable as men are about their male counterparts, there is always an exception. For example, some men are turned off by a women who are willing to sleep with them on the first date...of course they still do it....they just may not ever make that woman their girlfriend and often times don't take her seriously afterwards. And then there are a few men who have been in long-term relationships with the women they slept with on the first night.

The best way to determine what to do or not do on a first date is to just go with the flow of how you feel and what you are comfortable with.  My advice is to always be true to yourself....you can never go wrong with that!

The following are things I do/don't do on first dates...maybe even the first couple dates. Now don't quote me as saying these are the golden rules...but this is how I stay true to myself. There is no right or wrong here....

1)      No kissing on a first date!

·         Now of course if you are feeling the guy you’re out with and the night went great…by all means do what your heart feels is right. Just be aware of the message you are sending to the guy. What will he expect on the second date?

    

2)      Absolutely no sleeping with a guy on a first date!

·         I’m no angel, but I’m a firm believer that a man needs to earn the chance to get lucky! Women who respect themselves will be respected by men. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that women who sleep with a guy on the first date have no respect for themselves…I do understand that women have needs too!

3)      Be polite!

·         This may sound like common sense, but if women expect men to open the car door, pull out chairs, and pay for everything…make sure you let the guy know your are appreciative! Also, if the date is not the best, but not going horribly bad, humor him. There is no sense in making him feel bad if he is socially awkward or he does something you aren’t a fan of. Unless he is being rude, inappropriate or offensive, continue the date. If he asks you out again, you can say you are not interested.

4)      Drink wisely!

·         I like to drink when I'm out, but I make sure that I don’t get drunk to the point that I make myself look bad. Unless you have already met, a first date is the first impression a guy has on you. So unless being a drunk mess is the true you, slow down…you wouldn’t want him to think that you are out of control. And most of all, you wouldn’t want to do something that you will end up regretting when you wake up the next morning.

XOXO
Chrissy

The Perks of Not Being a Wallflower

I have been known to be quite introverted.  My husband, on the other hand,  is an extrovert and my daughter is an extrovert on steroids! I’ve had to come out of my shell thanks to her. She makes friends where ever she goes. I, on the other hand, don’t make random friends as easily.  She will introduce herself to anyone she may think is friendly and say, "Hi... do you want to come to my house and play?"

The thought of meeting new people at my age is unnerving. It's not easy for me to walk up to a complete stranger and introduce myself. But my little girl does it all the time. Sometimes the other kids will enthusiastically say "yes let's play," and sometimes they say "no thank you." When they say, no thank you, she brushes it off as if to say, "your loss because I have a Lego table at home and you're missing out."

I, in turn, have begun to introduce myself to moms I've never met, and people I would normally be too intimidated to approach. I see it like this.....if my four year-old can do it then there is no reason for me to be uncomfortable doing it. It has gone surprisingly well for me. I've met some really great people and my daughter has made some amazing friends.

So, next time you see someone that you think you may want to meet in an elevator, church, bar, pumpkin patch, or wherever you happen to be, strike up a conversation! What's the worst that can happen? If they aren't interested, just brush it off and remind yourself it's their loss. But you will never know until you try. Hey, it may even be the beginning of a beautiful new relationship.

Cheers,

Mimi

The Last Woman Standing!

I know I'm not the alone when I say that I sometimes envy my married friends or even the ones who are in long-term relationships. I joke about one day becoming the only one of my friends that will be single forever. In college, I had a group of friends that were very close. We were all on our college dance team so we were pretty much together all the time. After graduation, a couple of them moved out of state, and we all got pretty busy with our own lives, but we all still remained friends. When the out-of-towners would visit, we would all get together and talk about what new thing was going on in our lives...breakups, new boyfriends, etc.  Three of the girls had the same boyfriend since college, and we all knew they were going to get married...it was just a matter of when.

One of my friends had met this amazing guy post graduation and had been dating for almost two years. One day while at work, I got text message from her saying she got engaged.....of course I was so excited for her....she's such a beautiful person inside and out and her fiancé was the nicest guy I had ever met. A couple months later another friend got engaged....this one I knew was coming. I mean they had dated for about 7 years (4 of them in college).  I was still very excited for her...because now she had the ring! Her and her fiancé are the perfect match....But if you didn't think it could get any worse...boy were you wrong! Three more friends got engaged within a few months of each other. So now I have five friends engaged in a little less than a year. It was like a chain reaction. I was thinking, "what's in your water...and where can I get some?"

So here I am, single 'ol me amongst all my engaged friends.  Of course I didn't feel bad about myself, but I couldn't help but feel like they felt a little bad for me...I have been single since graduation, and although dated (and I use the word dated loosely) a couple people, no relationship came out of it. I went to two of the five girls' weddings this year with my sister as my date....luckily, my friends all love when I bring my sister to hang out and they were so happy I brought her to their weddings!

After the second wedding, another friend of mine announced her engagement...this one came as a shocker though because just a month or so prior, she said she was not at all ready to get married. She wanted to have a career and get out on her own for a while (she is a couple years younger)....that lasted about a month and a half.

So let's do the math shall we.....I have two friends now married and four friends that are engaged. I have two weddings next year (March and June), one wedding in January 2014, and one wedding without a date. 

I caught the bouquet at the wedding in May, so maybe there is hope for me J......but until then, I will just have to own the fact that I am the last woman standing!

XOXO,

Chrissy

Is There a Such Thing as "Meant to Be?"

I met this guy 3 years ago while I was out for my sister's birthday. I had just gotten out of a 4-year relationship and was not at all trying to meet anyone else. This guy came up to talk to my sister and offered to share a bottle of Grey Goose with us. Of course we said yes! She was mingling with him for a while. He happened to have a friend along with him who came up and started talking to me. Now I am a nice person...sometimes too nice, so even though I was not at all wanting to talk to anyone, I engaged in a conversation with him. Before we knew it, it was closing time and we were still talking. He was very nice and we had a lot in common. He finally asked me for my number and said he would like to take me out on a date....I was super hesitant as I did not want to start dating again. He said we can go out as friends with no expectations of anything coming out of it, and so I finally agreed.

The next weekend we went out to a comedy show. It was so much fun, and I really enjoyed his company. Finding a guy that can make me laugh and that loves to laugh as much as I do is something that is high up on my list of things I look for. He definitely came out on top with that. He called me again and asked if I would like to accompany him to the Bulls game the following week and even asked if my sister would like to come too. I thought that was very sweet that he not only asked me, but my sister as well. Again, we had a blast together. I was still not into wanting to date him as I didn't want to get to know anyone on that level yet, but I knew we could be great friends.  

He ended up moving to L.A. and then was out of the country for a while for work and we didn't speak for about a year... Out of the blue, I get a text message from him saying Hi....at first, I didn't know who it was. When he told me I was so excited that he still had my number and that we were back in touch. When we started talking again, it was like no time had passed. We had such great conversations and could talk about anything. Even other people we had dated. We continued to text back and forth for a while, but then he went MIA again.

About six months later he text me and we have been in contact ever since. I started thinking....maybe this is fate. Are we meant to be more than friends?? I dated a couple guys since I met him and nothing worked out. Me and him have now been friends for a little over three years, but haven't seen each other since our second date. We had become good friends, but somehow now I was thinking that he could be the one for me. After talking on the phone for hours almost every night, I started getting feelings for him. I didn't want to have these feelings because he's in L.A. and I'm in Chicago...how could this ever work? I know long distance can be possible, but those relationships rarely start off as long distance. All these thoughts and emotions were running through my head. I began to wonder that maybe we had become too good of friends to be in a relationship....I mean he even called me "homie" as a nickname....if that is not the "friend zone," I don't know what is. But then he went to London for two weeks and called me almost every night...which was very early in the morning in London. A "friend" wouldn't stay up late/get up early just to hear your voice...would they?

He had made comments before about us being together in the past, but I had never taken him seriously. Now, I catch myself thinking about the possibilities of us being together.  He is the busiest person I know because he travels constantly for work. We tried to make arrangements for me to visit a couple months ago, but he ended up having to go out of town for work that weekend. If we were meant to be, we would have seen each other by now...right? I'm not sure if I believe in fate, but I think there is something that keeps putting him in my path...I'm just not sure what it is.

XOXO

Chrissy

My Permanent Date

One of my closest friends lives in another country. We communicate almost everyday thanks to the magic of the Internet. We check in with each other almost every day on IM. The other day I told her that I was going to watch "The Perks of Being a Wall Flower" at the Logan. When she asked me who I was going with? I laughed out loud and responded, "my husband of course, he's my permanent date." I do have my group of friends that I go out when I want to get a certain chick flick out of my system, but my hubby is my permanent movie date. 

I've never thought about it until now, but I will never go on another "date" again. I put date in quotes because as a married couple, we still have our date nights, but when I say "dates" I mean the type when you're just starting to get to know someone. I don't know what's weirder, that I will not go on another "date" again or that I'm ok with that...  

I really couldn't ask for a more agreeable date. He always drives, pays and gets the popcorn. Aside from the fact that I don't always get to pick the movie, I really can't complain. So as scary and as odd as it may seem to have a permanent movie date with the same person for the rest of your life, trust me it really isn't. Just make sure you get the right person. How do you know you know you have the right person? Well for me it was simple. I made sure he didn't talk or take calls during the movie. I made sure he offered to pay. But most importantly, I asked him to take me to a chick flick. He agreed and took one for the team...I knew then he was a keeper.

So, ask your guy to take you to the chickiest chick flick and if he agrees and goes because he simply likes your company, you know you've got someone special on your hands.

Cheers.

Mimi

Crazy, Sexy, Cool

So as we all know break ups are never easy. It’s hard saying goodbye to someone that you have spent years with, sharing laughs, secrets, and planning for your so called future together. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I can be a bit of a serial dater...I love hard, but I also run fast....I just look at it as rehearsing for when "Mr. Right" comes along. But when I met this particular man I thought to myself, maybe I do see myself getting married and I should start taking relationships more seriously. Perhaps I was just dating all the wrong men, and that's why I was always looking for a way out when I was in a relationship. So when things turned from "Oh this is too good to be real," to me having a broken heart to heal, I decided that it’s time to love being the single free spirited woman that I'm proud to be....

Of course the perfect time to be single is the SUMMER, SUMMER, SUMMERTIME (Will Smith), and broken hearted or not I was ready to get back out there, and this time I was NOT settling for anything. I mean, I do have Femme Fatale tattooed on my forearm, so I was determined to live up to it. While at my first party of the summer, and just in case you already forgot, I was now single. The only thing on my mind was where are the sexy, single men at? Now to set the record straight, I was not looking to jump into another relationship…I was drinking and thirsty to find someone to get my mind off my ex…I was hurting bad and I knew that if I had someone to distract me, I wouldn’t be sad all summer. But wait, did I mention my ex was at the same party? Well he was, so I was trying extra hard to mingle to keep from thinking about him and what he was doing. Finally after making my rounds and being highly disappointed at the fact that there were more women than men and not much eye candy to choose from, I decided that this tall, adorable man with dreads would be my next victim! J

Normally I do not go out of my way to find a man to talk to, but again I was in dire need of a man's attention at this fragile state I was in, or so I thought I did. After exchanging numbers I decided to meet up with him the next day. This is when I knew something was not right with him because this fool told me that I have a nice booty and could make some good money. So I'm thinking, oh he thinks I can be famous for having a big booty with a pretty face…. like Kim Kardashian!! How sweet right...nope he was talking about me shaking it on the pole for those dolla dolla bills. So not only did he pretty much say that he wanted to be my pimp, he also told me he loved me after only three days of knowing me! Ummm…that's a huge no no in my book. I mean seriously… I just met you.  I guess he thought that that's what I wanted to hear, but from then on I knew I could not take him seriously. As crazy as he was, I still continued to hang out with him. 

At this point you’re probably thinking I am the crazy one….I mean why would anyone continue to entertain this man. But the fact is that I saw a lot of myself in him. We both spoke our minds and didn’t care what others thought about us. We both would do and say things to each other just to get a reaction. We also could tell each other anything and we gave each other real advice….also he made me laugh, and I needed someone to help keep my mind off of the pain I was going through. But when he asked me for an extra key to my house and then told me that if I did not already have a son he would knock me up and we would be together (his words not mine), I realized that I'm not dealing with a normal human being here. This man has some serious, deep issues. My first thought was WTF? First of all, who says that…out loud?  But like I said before…I can’t take him seriously so I pretty much ignore him when he says anything extra crazy!

We still speak every once in a while. After all, he reminds me every time we talk of what I do not want in a man, and he was great preparation for my newly single dating life! J


Smooches,

Bella

To Give or Not to Give....That is the Question!

I've been married for five years and dated my husband for five years before that. So if you add the 2 and carry the 1, this comes to a grand total of many many years together. With the holidays quickly approaching my co-worker asked me what I would be giving him this year, and without hesitation, I quickly replied, "nothing."  I figure, I've been giving to him all year round, why over do it?

I know what you're thinking. What can I possibly give that's so great to warrant zero Christmas gifts?  Well let's see..... I've given him my youth, a beautiful daughter, a home cooked meal every night and a clean house, just to name a few...and no I'm not a stay-at-home mom. I just don't feel like we need to exchange Christmas gifts at this stage of our relationship.

There is a wonderful peace that comes with no longer having to buy the perfect gift for your significant other. This goes both ways, however. He changes the oil in my car, washes the dishes every night and lets me hog the television. These things are very important to me and I consider these daily gifts. I hate anything that has to do with cars and their maintenance. Pumping gas annoys me to tears and I challenge you to find anyone that loves television more than I do.

I have transcended the holiday gift giving stage in my relationship. I'd rather focus the presents on my daughter and other little ones in the family.  Some people would think that was a little odd, especially coming from a woman.... I mean what woman doesn't love receiving gifts? But I'm sure there are women who agree with my logic.

Don't get me wrong though, birthdays are entirely different.... so if he forgets my birthday gift, he's in the doghouse.....

Cheers,

Mimi

Mr. Spooner

I went out for drinks with my sister and a guy she's casually dating the other night. Her friend brought along two other guys which was good as I didn't want to feel like the third wheel. It was cool at first until one of the guys had to leave...and it suddenly became an awkward double date. I felt forced to interact with his friend, Spoonie (you will see why I call him that later in the post.....and I also don't remember his real name!), instead of looking around for other attractive guys to talk to. After all, I didn't want him to feel weird about the double date we had been forced into!

The night was going really well. We went to three nice lounges and listened to great music. The men were such gentlemen as they paid for everything and made sure we were having a great time. Spoonie was cool, and despite not having a real choice,  we had great conversation. Before we knew it, it was 2:00 a.m. We had all been drinking a little too much so we decided to cab it back to my sister's friend's house to eat and watch a movie while we sobered up. I was lying on the couch by Spoonie and he decided to...well....spoon me. I am way too nice to let people down so I was just thought ummmm ok....whatever. We ended up falling asleep on the couch while watching the movie. Now the couch in the living room is pretty big. I'm sure 4-5 people could sleep on it comfortably, but when I woke up...I was still being spooned. I made an awkwardly sarcastic comment to Spoonie about how the couch was so big yet we slept like it was a twin bed....I guess he didn't get my sarcasm because all he said was, "yeah I know....funny huh?" I'm thinking no, not funny.....weird!


XOXO

Chrissy

Welcome!

      

Hello and welcome to Single-Dating-Married. This blog is about the relationships and dating lives of three Chicago women. Mimi is married and Chrissy and Bella are single.  Chrissy is looking for a relationship and has been causally seeing someone (nothing serious yet). Bella is the serial dater.....but not in a bad way! She is not looking for a relationship, but loves to go on dates to meet new people.

We decided to share the stories of our relationships/dates in hopes that maybe some of you can relate or that you will just find it helpful and/or interesting. We are also going to be giving advice on what to do and what not to do in marriages/relationships/on dates. Hope you all enjoy!

Love,

Chrissy, Mimi & Bella